What is love

What is Love?

That was one of the most mysterious questions for me. I really wanted to know where love came from and where the love went away. I couldn’t catch the moment with my eyes and it slipped away without being aware of it.

Fortunately, I got married.
Because I found out someone who I want to get married. He didn’t push me to become the person he wanted me to be but rather he completely accepted me for who I am. More than anything else, we could learn from each other in every moment we shared.

I’ve been married for more than 11 years now. Sometimes we argue with each other and criticize with a shouting voice. But after the argument, we always look back at our conversation together from a distance. Because conversation is always the heart of our relationship.

A few months ago (it might be on my husband’s birthday) I declared to my husband. I want to sleep with another guy. but It can be him and it can be her. it doesn’t matter. I am not sure who will be my partner, but I want to fuck with someone except you.

That declaration seemed to shock him.
And I added one more thing. I don’t think that would be infidelity. I don’t want to feel guilty so I am telling you in advance.

We talked about our relationship from a distance for a while as a gift on his birthday.

I do respect him, and he does cherish me. I feel like I love my husband more than ever. But I couldn’t stop questioning in my mind about our relationship.

1. I build up a quite good relationship with my husband, why not it could be the plural?

2. I love him more every day, but he can’t fulfill my sexual fantasies. Do I have to live forever without wanting more?

3. Who the hell set the rule of “our relationship” instead of us?

The numbers tell us about something meaningful.
1/2 Half of all marriages end in divorce.
3/4 Three out of four will experience some kind of infidelity

What reminds you of these numbers?
I think the norm, monogamy, seems not to work in the real world.

Monogamy, romantic love, marriage are all inventions like many other things. When something doesn’t work, we can innovate it. We have been done before and will do it in the future. I think we don’t have to follow the rule that has been created hundreds of years ago. In fact, anthropologically, monogamy accounts for just 20% of all kinds of human societies.

As we all have experienced before, every relationship change. What will you do when your relationship doesn’t get what you want? Will you divorce right away or repair the relationship? or just stay in discontentment?

There is no such thing as “one size fits all” solution.

And love is not a zero-sum game. But we are likely to request an exclusivity to someone we choose. It means you have to get rid of all kinds of possibilities except him or her. And as you see, it is almost impossible.

We all die.
I hope that I end up my life as peaceful as possible. And I also hope that my current spouse would be happy when I am gone and vice versa. I and my husband still have a lot to talk about our relationship.

I am still exploring ‘what is love’ journey and my husband is a very good company of that journey.

I do believe happiness is a byproduct of true contribution. And true contribution is in there when we wish the other’s happiness genuinely. It must be far from the jealousy and urge to control, and of course, exclusive relationship. I want you to write your own terminology about all values you value with your partners. Because we are living in the world that we have to choose our own option as we want not as we are told.

Monogamy is the option not mandatory.